August & September 2025
Happy autumn friends and family! I do apologize about missing last month, but as most of you probably know by now, my son was born in August and I am using that as an excuse. Our son Hector Francisco was born 8lbs 11oz, and now he is well on his way to 12lbs. I was a lot more scared than I thought I was going to be, but everyone is here safe and healthy and I couldn't ask for anything more than that. He is the most incredible thing on earth, and it feels like an honor to be his father. I hope I can live up to the responsibility, and make my ancestors proud.
And despite the little guy, I've still managed to see a bunch of films; 29 in August, and 25 in September! And Beaux got to be a part of way more viewings, so as a little treat you'll see a bit more of those reviews than usual too. Thank you again to everyone that helped us out with your gifts, food, & time. The Valencia family loves you all!
Ran [1985]
"You spilled an ocean of blood. You showed no mercy, no pity. We too are children of this age, weaned on strife and chaos. We are your sons, yet you count on our fidelity. In my eyes, that makes you a fool. A senile old fool!"
Captivating battles that leave me wondering how people were not trampled to death by a stampede of horses. This is the King Lear humanity deserves; a tragic fate forged long before it's first scene, written in blood. With madness comes a kind of clarity, a meditation on our collective and individual failings.
10/10, Is this paradise? Is this hell? Is there a difference?
Beaux Score: "These violent delights have violent ends."
Inside Llewyn Davis [2013]
Oscar Isaac is incredible. Such a cold movie for its bitter & depressed main character caught in a cycle he can't break, tired in a way sleep won't fix, yelling at ghosts, in transit to nowhere. He knows he's a disruption, a piece of shit, and asshole; he'd fix all of it if he could only find his footing. Triggered my depression so badly, I'm struggling to even find words to review it with instead of just sitting here disassociating.
9/10
Scavengers Reign [2023]
It has been a long time since sci-fi has truly enraptured me. I loved every minute of this gentle & violent world.
10/10, More non-humor adult animation please
Beaux Score:
There Will Be Blood [2007]
I movie I absolutely love to hate, from its first scene to its last. Daniel Day-Lewis' best performance. Incredible music, editing, and pacing. Does not feel like 150 minutes.
10/10, Blood for the Blood God, as much as he can drink.
Beaux Score: "Him drinked my milkshake :("
Fancy Dance [2023]
“If you call out to her, she will hear you.”
Love the amount of passive crime in this movie. A sad but beautiful story. Lily Gladstone is incredible, can she please be my auntie 🥺
9/10
Portrait of a Lady on Fire [2019]
10/10, lebsiams
Beaux Score: "I'm so glad lesbians invented romance"
Fargo [1996]
Awkward, hilarious, & violent, Fargo lives up to its reputation as one of the greatest american crime movies out there (though not exactly the greatest criminals). Rodger Deakins cinematography, Coen’s film, my favorite character was the cop???
Wild movie, filled with that essential northerner hunky-dory attitude.
9/10
Beaux Score: "World's dumbest crooks"
Bo Burnham: Make Happy [2016]
When Pagliacci asks us if we’re happy at the end, sometimes I genuinely don’t have an answer, and then I’m left with this immense dread. So that’s cool…
9/10, Are you happy?
Beaux Score: "Is this guy okay?"
Bo Burnham: INSIDE [2021]
I guess it's time for the yearly rewatch!
Content / Comedy: We're so back
FaceTime with my Mom: Been on FaceTime with my mom a lot recently, her game is improving
How the World Works: Socko can't save us, he can't even save himself
White Woman Instagram: I hope all the white women feel seen by this song
Bezos I & II: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Look Who's Inside Again: Inescapable melancholy every time
30: Sang this song to my newborn, with my own thirtieth fast approaching.
Welcome to the Internet: Really trying to figure out how I want to (or even can) manage my son's screen time as he grows up.
That Funny Feeling: "The backlash to the backlash to the thing that's just begun"
All Eyes On Me: "You say the ocean's rising, like I give a shit. You say the whole world's ending, honey it already did. You're not gonna slow it, heaven knows you've tried. Got it? Good, now get INSIDE."
Goodbye: Inescapable dread, every time
10/10, Kinda broke me the first time I saw it and I haven't really recovered
Beaux Score: "No he isn't"
Hoodwinked! [2005]
The music goes hard and it's genuinely fucking hilarious. I can't believe how much of this movie lived under the surface of my brain. Those schnitzel kids are in my nightmares.
9/10
Beaux Score: "It is the fever dream you remember"
Aztec Batman: Clash of Empires [2025]
I only wish that this was a series so it could let some of the character moments breathe a bit more. It’s not the best Batman story, but it goes fucking hard!
8/10, BATMAN SAYS LAND BACK🦇
Beaux Score: 10/10 "Yay! Another universe for me to be obsessed with Poison Ivy! 😍"
Weekend at Bernie's [1989]
Bernie’s “wakeboarding” scene always gets me! Watch as music & editing masterfully transform this movie from corporate horror to dumb comedy. I know he literally plays a corpse, but Kiser’s physical comedy is incredible.
Still can’t believe this movie exists. Also I genuinely hated his brutalism style beach house.
6.5/10
Beaux Score: "This movie got really hyped for me, but it is exactly what it sounded like."
Throw Mamma from the Train [1987]
A lot of cartoonish moments, but still a funny screwball Hitchcock parody from the 80's. Billy Crystal and Danny DeVito are funny people & it's easy to get wrapped up in their respective paranoia and delusions, but it did start to lose me in the second half with them just rattling around in the house. Not enough train.
6/10
Rustlers' Rhapsody [1985]
A meta comedy western featuring the last silver screen cowboy, imprisoned by the narrative as he touches the fourth wall constantly throughout. The meta nature of the film lead me to believe there would be some kind of subversion but it never really came.
I laughed a lot, but there wasn’t nearly enough singin’
6/10
Anatomy of a Fall [2023]
Couldn’t have predicted a tense courtroom drama spoken largely in french would get 50 Cent’s P.I.M.P. stuck in my head for 150 straight minutes.
It is very well acted (extra points for the goodest dog actor), the story is good, I liked seeing how a french court works. I only wish it was a little more interesting to look at.
7/10
RATS! [2024]
“… Yeah, that shit was different.”
Some emo stoner kid (traumatized by texas in the mid 2000’s) decided to make the most aggressive and demented movie I have ever seen in my entire life. But I cannot deny it captures something fresh with its pacing, jokes, blood, and bile that makes this feel like some R rated early YouTube fever dream fueled by ketamine. Maybe my favorite officer of the law in film. Certainly not a movie for everyone.
I think I loved it but maybe its just 4am.
JESUS WAS A TEXAN
Le Samouraï [1967]
Stoic french cigarette smoking lonely assassin with a caged bird in his male living space. I was entirely too eepy for this movie, but what a vibe. Like a nonchalant noir version of The Killer, but with no narration.
8/10
The Freshman [1990]
If you've seen Ferris Buller's Day Off and The Godfather, then you already know the two main characters, but it was really fun to watch them collide anyway.
7/10
She's the Man [2006]
Way funnier than it had any right to be. The over the top sexism the plot is dependent on didn’t bother me like I thought it would. But man that third act just drag on and on and on! Combining Feste with Malvolio AND having no yellow cross-gartered stockings was a blunder. Should’ve been more gay.
6.5/10, almost a seven
Beaux Score: "I love crossdressing, it's what Shakespeare would have wanted"
Ballerina [2025]
The action continues to impress, a great parallel story to John Wick’s. Eve is scrappy as hell and I loved to watch her kick ass!
They mix up the formula just enough to keep things interesting, but you still what get what you came for. Dialogue has never been a strong suit of the films—save for some choice one liners—but I felt the flaw more strongly in this one for some reason. I also knew John was going to make a cameo from the trailers, but I do wish there was less of him (no offense to Keanu).
I wasn’t sold on it enough to see it in theaters, but I was still pleasantly surprised. I am still not sold on it as an introduction to a series, but I guess we’ll see what happens.
Side note, this is the first movie I watched with my newborn baby son! 🥹
7/10
Mekko [2015]
Mekko has never been a perfect man. The life of a seer means seeing the sickness before everyone else, and the burden that carries can drive men into darkness. Yet we see a man who has pushed out that darkness and blossomed a strong inner fire. And even though he is homeless, without family, and living amongst wolves, he still finds a way to live the right way, and he doesn't have to compromise who he is to do it. I'm reminded of a line in The Nightingale:
"Sometimes we have bad ones, full of bad spirits. Our old people will talk to them, try to get 'em see good way; ask our ancestors for help, do ceremony."
"And if they don't listen? If they keep being bad, how do you deal with them then? How do you fix them?"
"Fix them? We don't fix them. We kill them."
7/10
The Babadook [2014]
I was hopeful for this film since I really really liked The Nightingale (made by the same director), but largely I found it to be pretty disappointing & uncreative, with no real consequence to it's main character for anything she did. The film deserved to be told from the boy's perspective rather than the mothers. I thought the set up was haunting enough, but after the first act I completely lost interest. The ending moved my rating down an entire star.
3/10
Get Low [2009]
An incredible performance by Robert Duvall. When a character of few words finally has something to say, it should be punchy as hell—and Felix Bush certainly was. I really loved him, and I liked the idea of the story that accompanied him; but nothing really stuck with me the way it intends to aside from him and I largely blame the direction for that.
6/10
Beaux Score: "I can't tell if the movie was sleepy or I was"
In Bruges [2008]
Some kinda Boschian, euro-trash, purgatory dark comedy nightmare riddled with insensitive humor that takes a piss on just about every culture and type of peoples it can.
Bittersweet & hilarious, like a fucking fairy tale. Colin Ferrell has sad eyes.
8.5/10, no notes
Beaux Score: "Always a pleasure?"
Attack [1956]
Infantile & cowardly command, using war as the vehicle for their own personal glory with no regard to the completion of their stated mission or their men's lives; making promises that act only as pacifiers, and coming closer to pulling arms on their own subordinates then they did the actual Nazis. In death their men are recommended for medals, given commendation, "one of the best in my command" they say over their still faces contorted in abject horror. All so some Judges father in the states can say "My son died a hero, a man".
What struck me most is how recently this film was released relative to the ending of WWII, only a short 11 years—very cynical and ahead of it's time.
7/10
Beaux Score: "What a frustrating movie"
The Devil's Backbone [2001]
Gentle overall with moments that are shockingly brutal; a vibe that was more eerie than scary. Del Toro consistently showing that the most horrifying thing isn't the monster—you can understand a monster—but instead heartless men with power. And like Cronos before and Pan's Labyrinth to follow, there is only one way to deal with these men.
More stories about the Spanish Civil War please!
7/10
Fruitvale Station [2013]
A really incredible & authentic directorial debut and true story of a black man in Oakland trying his best. Coogler shows his cards at the top of the film, but it still got me. I will watch anything this man does, and at this point I just expect to see Michael B. Jordan there too.
9/10
Beaux Score: "ALSO what a frustrating movie!"
Thunderbolts* [2025]
Probably deserves a better rating than what I gave it, but I’m just really not feeling the MCU anymore. Been holding out for a long time, probably still gonna try and see Fantastic Four, but idk man.
I can see they’re trying, but the magic feels dead.
5/10
Beaux Score: "Every time I think 'I'm done with marvel', they pull out a masterpiece that makes me think 'Man, I'm super fucking done with marvel!'"
The Creator [2023]
WHAT IF tried to portray the horrors of the Vietnam war and the usfg BUT it was humans vs robots AND instead of Vietnam we invent a place called New Asia that’s Vietnamese but also Thai but also Japanese AND THEN we talk down to our audience the whole time with a half baked series of events.
Conceptually cool, well shot, boring.
4/10
The Fisher King [1991]
I’ve only seen one other Gilliam film, but my man clearly loves his questing knights. A lot of moments didn’t land for me or I wished they were just slightly different, but I might just need to see it again. Robin Williams was incredible, of course.
6/10
¡Las Sandinistas! [2018]
Nothing new about The Pattern™ of american forced involvement in global affairs and the consequences thereof, unfortunately. But what makes this documentary interesting is the focus on the women who helped make the Nicaraguan revolution possible; what they sacrificed, what they endured, and most importantly what they are still enduring & still fighting for. On a technical level, the film is kinda bare, however the subject is so fascinating that it didn’t bother me.
¡Viva Unamos!
8/10
Bacurau [2019]
A neo-spaghetti-western B-movie, sure, but a really fantastic one.
Bizarre, bloody, & anti-colonial; pulling no punches by making the (mostly white) antagonists completely fucking evil.
4/10, I love seeing a community come together!
The Deer Hunter [1978]
I do wonder about those mountain ranges with red stag (not native to the continent) that are within driving distance of Clairton, Pennsylvania.
Gorgeous, brilliantly acted, and a very early year for depicting the Vietnam war as a horror & a tragedy (specifically in regard to the treatment & management of it's american veterans, not the Vietnamese). Many vivid moments that make it very easy to see why it won Best Picture at the Oscars. I'm not gonna be one of the people who complains about the length, I think it is odd but Cimino had a clear vision and a naïveté in his characters he wanted to sell. Also, I loved hearing church music out in the wilderness. Classics are classics for a reason, it just wasn't totally my thing. Actually cringed during the 'God Bless America'.
7/10
Beaux Score: "Cheerful, give it a watch"
X-Men [2000]
First time seeing this movie in many years. A whole heap of childhood nostalgia / early 2000’s cheese. Wolverine's relationship with Rogue kept me thinking about Logan—of course he took in another little girl.
6.5/10
Beaux Score: "I'm with Magneto on this one"
X2 [2003]
Strikes a much better balance than its predecessor. That Magneto jailbreak scene is still incredible, but I’m still rolling my eyes about that manufactured as hell ending—my favorite catholic boy Nightcrawler was literally right there!!
8/10
Beaux Score: "Cherik isn't queerbaiting, it's censorship"
X-Men: The Last Stand [2006]
“Charles always wanted to build bridges” is a dope ass line Magneto, I gotta say.
4.5/10
Beaux Score: "Mehhhh?"
X-Men Origins: Wolverine [2009]
That opening really makes you believe you’re gonna see the best superhero movie ever and then it goes on to be a complete piece of shit lmao
2/10
Beaux Score: "Canon you say?"
X-Men: First Class [2011]
Magneto 👏 Did 👏 Nothing 👏 Wrong 🪙
7/10
Beaux Score: "CHERIK ISN'T QUEERBAITING, IT'S CENSORSHIP"
The Wolverine [2013]
It continued to surprise me at every turn how much I was enjoying this movie, to the point where I began to question why I thought I hated it all these years… and then that third act.
It almost felt like Mangold had a direction he wanted to take it but the studio forced it into this weird generic mold. Anyway, it was still a breath of fresh air after the last Wolverine movie.
6/10
Beaux Score: "Much better"
X-Men: Days of Future Past [2014]
And just like that, X-Men: The Last Stand never happened lmao.
There’s something so fucked about having a person with dwarfism leading the persecution against mutants. The best story in the either X-Men series and it’s not even close.
9/10
Beaux Score: "Personal fave"
X-Men: Apocalypse [2016]
I saw this movie in theaters when it came out, and I remembered only one scene in the years since. Having now seen it a second time, I’m not sure much will change about that.
4/10
Beaux Score: "What was the goal here?"
Dark Phoenix [2019]
NOT "X-Men: Dark Phoenix" FOR SOME REASON
It’s not as bad as Last Stand’s attempt at the story line, but it’s still a very dull mostly computer generated movie. It tries to be feminist, to be horrifying, to evoke any emotion in it’s audience at all—$200 million dollars to make a movie where nothing to happen, incredible.
It’s not as bad as Last Stand’s attempt at the story line, but it’s still a very dull mostly computer generated movie. It tries to be feminist, to be horrifying, to evoke any emotion in it’s audience at all—$200 million dollars to make a movie where nothing to happen, incredible.
Extra half a star for the music tho
4/10
Beaux Score: "God's least valid redhead"
Logan [2017]
“Logan, you still have time.”
I don’t know if this is necessarily a better movie in black & white, but it’s such a vibe.
10/10
Beaux Score: "ACTUAL PERSONAL FAVE"
The Great Mouse Detective [1986]
Couldn’t care less about death of mouse Queen of England, but this is still a charming piece of animation.
But why did mouse Watson have to be deployed to Afghanistan? To colonize mouse Afghanis???
6/10
Beaux Score: 7.5/10 "Literally ordained by Arthur Conan Doyle"
Crash [1996]
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a movie like this before, but I’m not sure I ever want to again: Repetitive story beats, repetitive music, dull performances, & excessive eroticism that almost put me to sleep.
2/10
Tarzan [1999]
Always makes me think of my mom
8/10
Beaux Score: "Ooh bop she do"
I'm Still Here [2024]
Absolutely devastating, and doesn’t make me afraid for our current state of affairs in any way
8/10
Beaux Score: "Ugh, worst nightmare (the situation in the movie, not the movie)"
Charlie Countryman [2013]
Feels like a movie that was written to create music videos for the indie pop that suffuses it, but there’s certainly something unique about its energy. Ron Weasley offers Shia LaBeouf ecstasy, and that’s special.
5/10
Beaux Score: "Gender envy suffused fever dream"
The Gospel According to St. Matthew [1964]
Way more interesting to look at than Passion of the Christ.
7/10
Ruby Bridges [1998]
The point of it is pretty clearly to make a “Baby’s first intro to racism”. In that sense it succeeds, by being delicate about the circumstances without compromising the reality of what it was like for Ruby.
But it’s still a “made for tv” ass movie that sorta ends with a vibe as if Ruby Bridges solved racism in 1960 lol
5/10
Flow [2024]
I’m trying to be that Capybara but really I’m the Bird